Last weekend, I learned a valuable lesson. It was Sunday night and I was drawing Sammy a bath. I usually wait until the bath is ready to get my son set for “Naked Baby Time.” For some reason, I decided to speed things up a little. He’d had a bad run of diaper rash, and I thought it might be nice to “air” him out as the bath filled up.
The resulting story is why I will never, ever try to speed this process up again.
I removed his clothes and diaper and Sammy promptly shot down the hallway, naked rear end shining in the light.
Feeling safe that my naked kid wasn’t going to fling himself off the balcony at the top of the stairs, I went to check on the progress of the bath. As I came back out, I knew I was in trouble.
There he was squatting.
With that look on his face.
Knowing he was busted, Sammy shot away between my legs, leaving behind a little brown present. Luckily, it was tiny; easy to clean up. I grabbed some toilet tissue and whisked it from sight, overjoyed that there was no proof left behind. I didn’t want to have to tell Grandma & Grandpa why the carpet outside their bedroom door had changed color.
Realizing I left my 15 month old unattended with an ever-filling bathtub of water, I turned quickly. He hasn’t yet figured out how to climb in and out of the tub, but I don’t trust in believing that he can’t do something. This kid goes from not knowing how to do something to mastering it lickety-split.
But my worrying was unnecessary. He had other plans.
There he was. At the other end of the hallway. Squatting.
Nooooooooo! I ran. Already armed with kleenex, I got there just in time for him to shoot me an award-winning smile, shoot around me again and sprint back to the other end of the hallway. It was like I was playing air hockey with a poop machine.
This time he left me a big pile. This pile was going to involve a wet-wipe and probably a going over with carpet cleaner. I quickly picked up the mess and ran to the toilet to dispose of the squishy contents in my hand, trying desperately not to think about what I was holding.
Again, nuts! I had left my child unattended. No longer was I so worried about him drowning himself, it was more that he was going to completely ruin the hallway carpet. Surely he was done now though, right?
The bath tub was now full, ready for him to get in. I was faced with a dilema. Do I put a diaper on him for 5 minutes to make sure he’s all done? Do I attempt to sit him on the toilet for the first time? Do I just stick him in the bath and keep my fingers crossed?
You know what? It didn’t matter. He was in process of leaving me his final deposit on the carpet as I reached him. Only this time, in his effort to escape my grasp, he did the unthinkable.
He walked through the poop.
And left poopy footprints down the hallway towards the bathroom. On. The. Carpet.
Someone just lost Naked Baby privileges.
Motherhood is awesome.
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