When you get sick as an adult, it sucks. The coughing, the phlegm*, the runny nose. You blow your nose constantly and you feel downright miserable.
When you become a parent, the suffering takes on a whole new level when your kid gets sick. They don’t sleep well, they’re cranky, and they always have a river of snot running down their face. It’s absolutely disgusting and unfortunately for both of you, they can’t do a thing about it.
Well, they almost can’t. They have their own ways.
When you first come home from the hospital (if your baby was born there) not only will you have your precious newborn, but you come home armed with a little blue bulb syringe. The hospital staff know you’re going to need it, and it’s going to become a prized possession in your home, even if you don’t realize it at the time.
Why? Because a baby can’t blow his nose. And you, the parent, are going to don your cape, gather your weapons, and henceforth be known as ‘The Snot-Sucker.’
You won’t like it, and you will become obsessed with snot.
The real problem is that the kid will be really angry at you, because when you attack them with the bulb syringe, this is what they’re thinking:
As they get older, their defenses mature, and become almost impenetrable.
My son is almost 11-months old, and the only way to blow his nose for him is to tackle him, pin his arms and to pray. When my husband is home, it becomes a team effort. It’s not exactly the way I pictured our family moments to be.
Just as I’m thinking that the neighbors are going to call Child Protective Services from all the screaming they’re hearing coming from our house, my son lowers his defenses just enough for me to get him good and de-snotted.
And not two seconds after we’re done, this is what happens.
Little stinker.
*According to dictionary.com, ‘phlegm’ means not only mucus, but also self-possession, calmness and composure. The thought of the word for snot also being the synonym for the thing parents strive for made me smile. Ahh, the irony.
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My mother is coming to visit for the holidays and I’m taking a blogging break to enjoy my time with her and my family. The posts will return after Christmas. Happy Holidays, y’all! I hope they’re all booger-free, but filled with phlegm.
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One word. NoseFrida! The swedish Snotsucker. That thing should be made of gold, because it’s worth its weight in it!!
Bryna S recently posted..On Vorism
We actually just got one this past week. Doesn’t stop the screaming, but does get the job done quicker!!!
Oh do I know this!! I used to have to tackle the baby for snot removal purposes like he was a football and it wasn’t pretty.
Now that he’s 2, no chance. I just have to keep wiping his ever flowing snot away (or let him use me as Kleenex). Like, right now.
Happy Holidays!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..10 Questions
Thank you, Alison! I’m so glad to know that I’m not the only one tackling the baby for snot-removal.
I remember those days. Now my 4 year old uses his shirt, me or whatever and kleenex to wipe his nose, but he has to be reminded.
Thanks for following me, I’m following your back!
Crazy Nuts Mom recently posted..Price Check!
Love your info. Please feel free to check out my blog to. I can’t wait to read your next post.
~Holly http://foreverateenonline.blogspot.com/
Holly recently posted..TATTLETALE TUESDAY BLOG HOP
Love the post! I was on vacation and this is my first day back blogging.
Jaye recently posted..Spice Up Your Sex Life!
Im due in a few days, its 7am and I have been awake all night as I really like night time and its a perfect chance to sit up. I have been reading some light parenting humor and this is a blog I think I will be coming back to keep an eye on when there are 3 of us in the family!
Krissy recently posted..Young Driver Insurance
Hi Krissy, hopefully I’ll be able to keep you entertained while you’re up all hours of the night feeding your little one! Good thing you’re already a night owl, I’m quite jealous.
LOL, you described this to a T. My youngest is now 10mo and I HATE the snot sucker. I now do it right after I cange her diaper, I hide the thing behind the wipes then once her new diaper is on pull it out and start sucking and hope to get at least one side done before she starts fighting.
Hehe, we’ve tried a bait and switch type thing too. It didn’t work out as well as I hoped, but I was willing to try anything! I like your idea of the surprise attack after the diaper change, although our diaper changes tend to end on my son trying to run off the changing table as I’m desperately trying to get the diaper attached in the front.
I do remember the snot-sucking days very well… My daughter hated that darn bulb!!
Hope you are having a great vacation with your visiting family, and see you when you come back! I myself have been away too, and did not blog much these days…it’s been a nice break!
Anna recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: The New Generation
My kids hates that bulb so much I tried to think of myself in his position. I’d probably be freaked out too if a giant blue thing was trying to force it’s way up my nose.
Thank you, I had a lovely vacation with my family!
In their defense… brain stealing does sound pretty scary!
Megan – Best of Fates recently posted..Bringing Photography’s Sexy Back
Love this post. We have not needed the snot sucker for Baby L much so my 2.4 yr old now uses it as a pretend microphone.
Hahaha! I love it! My son just trying to eat his. Apparently, the bulb syringe makes for a great teething toy. Who knew?
Dropping in from Jaye’s blog. This is hilarious! I am compelled to follow you. Compelled!
Shan recently posted..Enough
Yay, I love followers! *Excitedly jumps up and down*
You have a wonderful blog too.