When you get sick as an adult, it sucks. The coughing, the phlegm*, the runny nose. You blow your nose constantly and you feel downright miserable.
When you become a parent, the suffering takes on a whole new level when your kid gets sick. They don’t sleep well, they’re cranky, and they always have a river of snot running down their face. It’s absolutely disgusting and unfortunately for both of you, they can’t do a thing about it.
Well, they almost can’t. They have their own ways.
When you first come home from the hospital (if your baby was born there) not only will you have your precious newborn, but you come home armed with a little blue bulb syringe. The hospital staff know you’re going to need it, and it’s going to become a prized possession in your home, even if you don’t realize it at the time.
Why? Because a baby can’t blow his nose. And you, the parent, are going to don your cape, gather your weapons, and henceforth be known as ‘The Snot-Sucker.’
You won’t like it, and you will become obsessed with snot.
The real problem is that the kid will be really angry at you, because when you attack them with the bulb syringe, this is what they’re thinking:
As they get older, their defenses mature, and become almost impenetrable.
My son is almost 11-months old, and the only way to blow his nose for him is to tackle him, pin his arms and to pray. When my husband is home, it becomes a team effort. It’s not exactly the way I pictured our family moments to be.
Just as I’m thinking that the neighbors are going to call Child Protective Services from all the screaming they’re hearing coming from our house, my son lowers his defenses just enough for me to get him good and de-snotted.
And not two seconds after we’re done, this is what happens.
*According to dictionary.com, ‘phlegm’ means not only mucus, but also self-possession, calmness and composure. The thought of the word for snot also being the synonym for the thing parents strive for made me smile. Ahh, the irony.
My mother is coming to visit for the holidays and I’m taking a blogging break to enjoy my time with her and my family. The posts will return after Christmas. Happy Holidays, y’all! I hope they’re all booger-free, but filled with phlegm.
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