Dear Husbands, Daddies, future Daddies, and men in general,
We all have heard the phrase that men and women are from two different planets. I don’t think it’s possible for us to fully understand each other, but we compromise. We reach understandings, we gain mutual respect for one another and begin to predict how the other will act in certain situations.
Once you have a baby and that all goes out the window. The women become insane. Absolutely friggin’ nuts. I feel I’m qualified to say this since I am a woman. I’m living proof.
Once that baby pops out (actually, I suppose even before) we women become creatures we don’t even recognize anymore. We’ve surrendered our minds and bodies to a tiny little human. We become obsessed with them. We develop an irrational fear that something horrific will happen to them if we’re not there. And that fear turns us a little crazy.
Please don’t blame us. We just want what’s best for our offspring. And, we haven’t had a lot of sleep. How nice are you when you’re sleep deprived? The best course of action is to hold on for the ride. Oh, and go along with what we say.
I know you mean well, but there’s something about us you need to understand. There isn’t a minute of the day that goes by that we’re not thinking about our children. We never really have down-time. And it’s exhausting.
Next time you’re watching your child, you may be thinking this:
Please understand, that although you mean well, we are probably thinking this:
When you’ve given the baby a bath, this is what you see:
And this is what we see:
We have to learn that we cannot do it all, but we certainly try in the beginning. It drains us. It makes us grumpy. Eventually, we give up and we get used to the house looking disheveled most of the time. But in the beginning, after leaving the bathroom like the above picture, you’d better hide.
We have very different standards.
When it’s slightly cold outside, maybe even a light breeze, this is how we would dress a child:
This is how you would dress the child:
You don’t understand us. We don’t understand you. But, one thing you will come to learn, whether or not you understand it is that this is what your nights will look like:
Because after we’ve been grabbed, poked, clung to, and sucked on all day, the only thing we want is to be left alone. We promise it will get better in the future. You just have to be patient. Good luck.
Enjoy the ride.
Love,
The women.
Share and Enjoy
This is perfect. I’m not a new mom anymore (teenagers, a whole new ballgame), but I remember all of the above scenarios just as you have written (and illustrated) them. Brilliant and hilarious! Thank you so much for giving me a much needed chuckle today!
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Thank you! I’m glad you liked it!
OMG. Jim and Josh might just be the same person. Second baby is 2.5 years and I have finally convinced him to put (mostly) matching clothes and socks (SOCKS!) on the children. No hope in the mess department. This morning:
Josh: “I made breakfast! Whooo! Go me!”
(goes off to leave children unattended for 15 minutes, then leaves for work)
Me: “I woke up to oatmeal and maple syrup and raisins strewn in bizarre shapes all over the kitchen counters. WHAT UNHOLY THING HAS HAPPENED HERE?”
My reaction roughly matches yours. You got it just right!!!!
LOL Bryna! That always happens if Jim cooks too! The kitchen explodes with pots and pans and food remains and I get the innocent look of “What?”
I think we all may have married the same men….love this post! It seriously had me cracking up!!!
Thanks, Anna! I think you might be right, too.
OMG!! We’re living parallel lives! You just pained a picture of my daily life… My daughter is 3 1/2 but the scenarios continue! My husband cooks too, but as you said above, he uses every pot we own and leaves the kitchen in super chaos!!!
Anna recently posted..Getting kids to eat vegetables with creamy soups
Your daughter is 3-1/2 and it’s still like this? Oh, man… I’m doomed. LOL
OMG!!! This is sooo true and hilarious! It’s like you have been a fly on our walls. My husbands has put our boys inside his coat just as you described! Great blog and great post! Keep’em coming. I am going to make my husband read this. lol.
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Thank you, Jaye! I’m amused that your husband does the jacket thing too. I looked at my husband like he was nuts when he did that one the other day, my son on the other hand thought it was really neat to be wrapped in Daddy’s jacket. It must be a guy thing.
Ha this is fantastic, I couldn’t have summed it up better. I was so picky when I had my children. Now that I have grandchildren I’ve learned that a mess isn’t going to kill anyone and I’m not nearly as bad as I used to be. But I still HATE to see clothes all over the bathroom floor.
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My husband has a knack for leaving his dirty socks in the living room. It drives me crazy. Thankfully, the threat of having them chewed or sucked on by our son (eww, gross!) is working to teach him to put them in his laundry hamper. Another reason my son is a blessing! Hehe.
I think I love you.
I read your comment first thing in the morning. I love waking up to declarations of love.
Thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed my post.